Live and Let Live
As we’ve been learning about the slogans used in 12 Step recovery programs this year, I’ve been continually reminded that a few simple words can transform my thinking. “Live and Let Live” is one of those simple yet powerful slogans.
In talking about this slogan, we tend to focus on the “let live” part. Learning how to “let live” is a big learning curve for many of us. As we start to realize that we can’t control anyone or anything but ourselves and we’re only responsible for ourselves, we can then begin to see how we’ve been overly responsible for others, trying to control their choices or behaviours. This slogan is a helpful reminder that we need to let others live their own lives. For me “Let Live” means allowing people the dignity to make their own choices, experience their own consequences (both positive and negative), enjoy what they enjoy, live the life they want to live, and to be themselves – regardless of whether I approve or not.
This leads us to the “live” part of the slogan. If we’ve been obsessed or distracted with another person and caught up in the drama of their problems, we probably haven’t given ourselves the attention we need. We may have neglected ourselves physically, emotionally, or spiritually. And we may not even be able to identify our needs. But by learning to live, we discover how to stay in our own lane, make our own choices, experience our own consequences, enjoy the things we enjoy, live our lives the way we want to, and have the freedom to be ourselves. “Live and Let Live” “…reminds us that making a life for ourselves, regardless of what others are doing or not doing, must be a top priority.”*
An Al-Anon member wrote, “This slogan sounds easy, but working it was a different matter. I started backwards with ‘…Let Live,’ which was exceedingly difficult. I had to keep out of other people’s business and let them make their own decisions. I couldn’t judge whether what they had decided was right, by my standards. Finally I caught up with ‘Live.’ How do I just live? What is life if I am not constantly involved in other’s affairs? I felt lost. Then I remembered a suggestion from my meetings, ‘take care of yourself,’ and I had a glimmer of understanding.”**
“If I stay out of others’ affairs and become more aware of my own, I have a good chance of finding some serenity.”***
Today may you find the serenity that comes from choosing to “Live and Let Live.”